


Sexual and Suicidal Tendencies

by charredmarshmallow



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, I don't know what else to put here, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Other, Self-Harm, Smut, Suicide Attempt, draco is soft boy, hermiones brain is incredible
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-23 22:21:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14942417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charredmarshmallow/pseuds/charredmarshmallow
Summary: Demetria Ravenwood and Draco Malfoy were best friends for as long as they can remember. Soon, after they were both accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Draco took his friend to a small clearing in the woods behind the Ravenwood Manor and promised to always be there for Demetria. Both were sorted into Slytherin, but Demetria decided that she should make friends with Draco's rival and friends, the Golden Trio. Not wanting to ruin his reputation, Draco started to bully Demetria and call her a blood traitor. Demetria held on tight to her friendship with the Golden Trio, she drifted away from her childhood crush and friend, right into the arms of none other than the bookworm, Hermione Granger.





	1. Chapter One

_"_

_ "It will be alright. Remember that it doesn't matter which house you are in as long as you are happy." Your mother smiled and embraced you one last time. "Don't forget to write!" _

_ You laughed. "Of course I won't forget. I promise to write every week." _

_ Your cat meowed with some annoyance and clawed at your leg, his claw getting caught in the fabric of your pants. Your black jeans ripped and you sighed.  _

_ "Sorry mother, but I've got to go. I love you!" _

_ "I love you too." _

_ You scooped up the Russian Blue and made your way to the Hogwarts express. As you walked through the doorway, you caught sight of your childhood friend with his family. You quickly found an empty cart and settled in. You gently dropped your cat onto the seat and he immediately tried to sit in your lap. _

_ "Oin! No. I will have to get up sometime and I don't want to make you get up." _

_ Oin looked at you will pure hatred in his golden green eyes and curled into a little ball right next to you. You slid further into your seat and nestled your hands into your oversized sweatshirt. You were about to grab your iPod and listen to some My Chemical Romance when a young girl with bushy, golden hair walked into your cart. _

_ "Have you seen a toad anywhere?" _

_ You gave her a confused look.  _

_ She rolled her eyes. "It's not mine. You see, Neville had it when he got on the train, but it disappeared afterward." _

_ "No? I don't think I saw a toad." _

_ "By the way, my name's Hermione. Hermione Granger." _

_ "Demetria Ravenwood." _

_ Hermione looked to the left as if someone was calling her and then turned back to you.  _

_ "I have to go, but I hope we are in the same house." _

_ You nodded and she turned and left. A few moments later the trolley woman came by. _

_ "Anything from the trolley, dear?"  _

_ You smiled. "I will have a pumpkin pasty, chocolate frog, licorice wand, Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans... _

You felt a rough hand on your shoulder shaking you awake. You groggily opened your eyes and stared at the clean-shaven, handsome face your former best friend, Draco Malfoy. You groan and shake his hand off you and stand up slowly, shaking the sleep off your eyes.

"Where am I?" You asked memories of the former night just a blur.

Malfoy crossed his arms and said, "The Slytherin common room. You were up all night reading."

You loosed a breath you didn't realize you had been holding and ran your fingers through your long, raven locks. The dream had been a memory. Of you first coming to Hogwarts and meeting your girlfriend, Hermione Granger. You brought yourself back to the present to find Malfoy walking out of the common room.

He called back in a bored voice, "Just so you know, first period is starting in less than three minutes, so I would start getting ready."

You looked at the clock and saw that, unfortunately, Malfoy was right. You rushed to grab your textbooks and shoved them in a black, cloth satchel. You ran out of the common room, fixing your uniform as you went. For once you were glad to have slept in your uniform. The door creaked as you slipped into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Professor Umbridge looked up from her "important paper" and saw you right away. 

"This is the seventh time you have been late this month, Ms. Ravenwood. Detention!" she said.

You looked away from her and found an empty desk next to your girlfriend at the back of the class. You glanced at the page she was on in the ridiculous textbook Dumbridge made us buy and flipped to that page. Soon after, you got bored and started to doodle on the pages. You already knew about these, so why read about them? Before you knew it the bell rang and you stood up to leave the class like the rest of the students when the pink menace herself called out for you to stay after the class. You internally groaned and cursed under your breath. You slowly walked to her desk and she turned to look at you.

"Detention will be in my office at seven sharp. Do not be late." She said in her annoying voice. "You are dismissed."

You swiftly turned on your heel and walked out the door. The rest of the day went by fairly quickly and in a blur. You were pretty upset the entire day and didn't really pay attention to anything. Before you knew it, it was 6:45 and you were sitting in the Slytherin common room, calculating the time it will take for you to get to her office. 

_ If it takes me roughly ten minutes to get to her office, then I should leave pretty soon. But I also don't want to get there too early because then I'd have to wait and I certainly don't want to do that.  _

By the time you were done, it was 6:47 and you decided it was time to leave. Just as you were about to walk out of the common room, Pansy Parkinson came and stood in front of me.

"Where are you going, blood traitor? Going to hang out with your mudblood girlfriend and mudblood friends?" Pansy sneered.

You turned to go around her, but Marcus Flint moved to her side. 

"You're just as bad as the mudbloods. Maybe even worse. You hang out with them, you're a blood traitor, and you're a faggot!"

You clenched your fist and grit your teeth. You quickly grabbed your wand out of your pocket and stupified both of them. You ran out of the common room and straight toward the office of Dumbridge. You looked at your watch and saw that you were four minutes late. You cursed under your breath and walked into the office of your DADA teacher. She was sitting at her desk smiling that fake smile.

"You're late." her giggles seemed forced.

You didn't say anything; just sat in the seat adjacent to your professor. She pushed a quill and paper towards you and told you to write lines. 

"You will write over and over again until I say you may stop the words, I must never be late again."

You relaxed a little, but not fully because of the malicious glint that was in her eye. You made to dip the quill in ink and she stopped you.

"This is a special quill. It doesn't need ink."

You looked at her a little confused because who has heard of a quill that doesn't need ink? But you started writing nonetheless. After a while, you started to feel a burning sensation in your hand. You ignored it, but after a while, it started to become unbearable. You quickly glanced at it and see the words, "I must never be late again" etched into your hand in your handwriting. Dumbridge made you do this for about an hour and a half. When she dismissed you, you sprinted out of the room and toward the Gryffindor dormitories. You mumbled the password and entered the common room, panting. Hermione was sitting with Ron and Harry. Once she saw you, her eyes widened in concern and she embraced you tightly.

"It happened to Harry too, when he got detention. Let me see your hand."

You slowly reached out your hand to let your girlfriend examine the wound. She gingerly took your hand and surveyed the cuts.

She winced, "I'm so sorry." She gently kissed the back of your hand and cuddled you, rocking me back and forth until you sunk into a dreamless sleep.

+

I woke to find myself curled against my girlfriend, my back to her. Her breath was tickling my neck. I wanted to get up, but Hermione's arms were wrapped around me. I shifted a bit to get a little more comfortable and she tightened her grip on me.

Without opening her eyes, she whispered, "Good morning. How's your hand doing?"

I blinked. I had totally forgotten about what happened with Umbridge last night. I moved my hand from under my chin and saw it had been bandaged in your sleep. You realized that if she hadn't reminded you about detention, you probably wouldn't have remembered about the cuts. 

"I can't even feel anything! It's incredible." I whispered and nuzzled further into Hermione.

"What time is it?" Hermione asked, stifling a yawn. 

I brought your watch close to your face. I didn't even bother to read the time. 

"It's time to sleep. Now hush. I'm tired." I mumbled.

Hermione sat up and stared at you. "No seriously, what time is it?"

I groaned and rolled off the couch and onto the floor. I stayed there for a little while until Hermione nudged me with her foot. 

"C'mon. I need to know so I can see if I have time to take a shower."

"It's 5:29. Can I join you?"

Hermione cocked her head to the side, "Join me for what?"

I smirked, "The shower."

Hermione's eyes widened and she threw a blanket at me.

By the time I had tossed the blanket to the ground, she had disappeared. I sighed and walked back to the Slytherin girls dormitory. Thank Dumbledore that it was too early for Pansy and her posse to be up. I quickly grabbed an extra uniform and my black, wool thigh-high socks. I snuck into the prefects' bathroom and took a nice, warm shower. After getting dressed, I saw it was five past six. I decided to kill some time in the library. I was browsing shelves when I felt a pair of slender arms wrap around my waist. I smiled.

"Hey, babe."

"Hey. I missed you."

"I saw you thirty minutes ago."

"I know, but I missed you."

Hermione grabbed my left hand and kissed the freckle on my ring finger. "You're beautiful, you know that right?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, I'm not."

Hermione pulled back and I subconsciously moved toward the warmth of her body.

She crossed her arms. "No more cuddles until you say something positive about yourself."

I frowned, "Wait, no cuddles?"

"No cuddles."

I groaned, "But I'm terrible at everything."

Hermione started to walk away. "No, you're not." She called back.

"No, don't walk away!" I moaned. And she was gone.

_ Fine. The next time I see her I will say I'm okay looking. _ I thought.

I walked out of the library and down the hallway when I was suddenly grabbed and pulled roughly into a broom closet. My yelp was cut off when soft lips crashed onto mine. I shoved the person away from me and saw my former best friend staring right back at me with disgust in his eyes. I looked around and saw that Pansy Parkinson was glaring daggers, Marcus Flint was laughing his freaking ass off, and Crabbe and Goyle were looking confused. I quickly exited the closet and went to the bathroom. I was hyperventilating and needed to calm down before going out. I made my way to the Great Hall. Breakfast didn't look appetizing so I left and spent time in the library thinking about the kiss. Draco's face swam in my head and I forced him out. I need to find Hermione to tell her what happened. I searched the library and Great Hall, but I didn't seem to find her. Before I knew it, first period had started and I had to go to class. I waited, but she didn't show up. I was a little concerned and spent the rest of the day looking for her. During dinner, I overheard some people talking about me and I listened closely. I couldn't make out much except the words  _ whore  _ and  _ slut.  _ I was confused at first, then remembered what happened in the broom closet. Upset I left early and went to the Gryffindor common room. As I opened the door, I heard a very familiar voice. I peeked past the edge of the door and saw Ron Weasley kissing my girlfriend. I was distraught at the scene and left, clutching my mouth to make sure my presence wasn't known. I ran past hallways and doors until I found the bathroom. I couldn't stop the tears from falling as I relieved the moment. My girlfriend had been kissing my best friend. I couldn't handle it. I gripped the pin holding my hair up which was actually a knife and pulled it out; the strands cascading next to my face. The silver inlaid dagger had a bone handle and the blade was Damascus steel. I clenched the knife and sliced my left wrist. Once, twice, thrice, until I had three deep cuts going up toward my elbow. The pain made me gasp and I envisioned Hermione's face. 

_ I'm sorry. _

+

Hermione pushed Ron away.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this to Demetria." 

Ron lowered his head and nodded. He knew how much Demetria meant to Hermione. 

"I should go find her and tell her." Hermione was already going toward the door.

Ron stared after her and sighed. He fell back onto the sofa and held his head in his hands. Demetria was a great friend. How could he do this to her? He knew he should feel bad, but the ecstasy he felt from the kiss had him on a high. He didn't know how Demetria would react, but he hoped she wasn't too upset.

+

Draco Malfoy paced in front of the fireplace and ran his hand through his hair. He saw the look on Demetria's face once she left the broom closet and immediately felt regret. Why did he let Blaise and Marcus talk him into it; make him believe it was a good idea? He wanted to apologize to her but didn't know what to say to his childhood friend. He didn't understand why he was feeling sorry for a faggot blood traitor. He figured it had to do with their childhood. But something in the look on her face made his heart hurt a little. He waited for a bit longer, then left to try to find Demetria. After wandered the halls, he bumped into Hermione Granger. 

"What are you doing, Granger? I thought teacher's pets weren't supposed to be out after curfew." He sneered.

Hermione sighed and ignored Draco's comment. 

"I'm looking for Demetria. Have you seen her?" She asked.

A look of concern crossed Draco's face before being covered by cool disinterest. 

"No. Why are you looking for her?" He responded.

Hermione looked away in shame, but Draco, fortunately, didn't notice. 

"Do you know where she is?"

Hermione nodded. "She's in the girl's bathroom."

Draco raised an eyebrow. "How do you know?"

Hermione smirked. "Reasons. That I'm not going to tell you."

They both quickly made their way to the bathroom. Hermione walked in first with Draco right on her heels. The first thing he noticed was the deafening silence. The room smelled vaguely metallic. He looked at the stalls and saw a pool of blood coming from underneath one of the stalls. 

"Demetria!"


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demetria is staying in the hospital wing. Draco and Hermione visit frequently. Both feel like it's their fault. Ron and Harry are sad. Everyone knows that Demetria tried to kill herself. It's the next day, btw.

...Sorry, Demetria... All my fault...

I was drifting out and in of consciousness; words floating all around me. I couldn't figure out who was saying what. My eyes flew open and I was met with startling gray eyes filled with concern and regret. 

"Draco?" I asked my voice hoarse from disuse. 

He quickly stood. He mumbled something before practically running out of the hospital wing. I was still tired so I laid my head back down to rest for a second and fell asleep again. 

"Demetria? Are you awake?" A familiar voice. I pried my eyelids apart and saw my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend. Her eyes were red and puffy, but she still managed to be gorgeous. 

"What do you want?" I ask coldly. 

Her eyes started to water and she apologized profusely. "I'm so sorry. It was just one kiss and I-"

I cut her off with a look. I silently tell her that no excuse will justify what she did. I felt a weight beside me shift and see my cat, Oin. I almost smile and pet him. Hermione grabs my arm and pleads with her eyes. I flinch away from her as she realized that she grabbed the arm with the cuts. She whispers her apology and buries her face in her hands. My gaze softens as I see how my best friend was falling apart in front of me. 

I grip her hand and say, "I don't think I can forget, but I can probably forgive. But why did you do it? Am I not good enough?"

Hermione's eyes widen and she rushes to say, "No! I... I just think I'm attracted to boys more than girls. I still value you as a friend." 

I nod, her words sinking in. 

"So, you're breaking up with me. After I found you cheating on me."

"... I hope there aren't any hard feelings. I still want you as a friend."

"... I want to... but I'm not sure if I can. I just need time."

Hermione nodded. 

"Everyone is waiting outside to see you." She said gesturing to the door. I look where her hand was and accept her invitation. She goes outside and returns shortly with Ron, Harry, Luna, and Ginny. 

"Demetria! How are you? We missed you." Ginny said rushing toward me and enveloping me in a hug.

"I'm fine. Thanks."

Harry sits on the edge of my bed and smiles warmly. Ron and Hermione look awkwardly at each other and I can see them having a silent conversation. 

Luna hands me the latest edition of the Quibbler and says, "Were the Blibbering Humdingers laughing in your ears?"

Ginny glances warily at Luna and points her finger toward her hand and rotates it, telling me she's crazy. I scold Ginny and tell her that Luna is my friend. I spent a long time with them just talking and forgetting why I'm in the hospital wing in the first place. Soon Madam Pomfrey comes and shoos them all away. Hermione shoots me a grateful look and leaves holding Ron's hand. My hearts felt like it was being squeezed for a second before dulling to an ache. Madam Pomfrey tells me that I only have to stay in the infirmary for another day before I can go back. Before she can leave, she grabs my attention.

"The Malfoy boy sure seemed to spend a lot of time in here when you were sleeping."

I stare at her before responding, "Really? That's odd."

Madam Pomfrey smiles warmly before telling me I should sleep. 

I lay on my side before closing my eyes and falling into a deep sleep

Draco Malfoy was sitting in the dining hall with Pansy chattering in his ear. He wasn't listening; for he was worrying about his former friend in the hospital wing. Pansy's incessant talking was interrupted when Draco grabbed her hand and led her out of the hall and into a broom closet.

Trying to forget about Demetria, he attached his lips to Pansy's neck and sucked greedily. Pansy let out a loud moan and grabbed Draco's waist trying to get him to undress her. Pansy's voice forced him out of his stupor.

"I'm happy that the faggot, blood-traitor decided to try to kill herself. Now to celebrate..."

Draco flinched away from her before storming out of the broom closet. Pansy was left panting and confused as the Prince of Slytherin walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short. I promise to update soon. Have a great day.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a filler.

emetria jolted awake after a vivid dream recurred for the umpteenth time. She lifted her arm to look at the time before remembering the cuts. She examined the wound and traced her finger up and down them. Demetria looked around before catching sight of a disheveled Malfoy sitting in a chair adjacent to the hospital bed resting his head on her leg. 

Before she could stop herself, she patted his head and ran her fingers through his soft hair. He shifted and Demetria quickly snapped her hand back. 

She looked around for any sign of Madam Pomfrey but was met with only darkness and silence.

She sighed and gently pushed Malfoy's head off her leg before swinging her legs around and walking to the corridor. She looked around to see if anyone was there before returning to Malfoy and hitting him on the head.

Draco Malfoy cried out in surprise before groggily looking around and seeing Demetria's angry expression.

"What do you want, Ravenwood?" he sighed, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

Demetria scoffed and whisper-shouts, "Arse! You harassed me in the bloody broom closet yesterday! You fucking prick!"

"Blood-traitor! You weren't even a good snog. Even Pansy's better." Draco retorted, not thinking before speaking.

Demetria's eyes welled up with tears, "You harassed me and my girlfriend cheated on me. I just don't fucking know what I ever did to either of you. And to top it all off, yesterday was the anniversary of my father's death."

Demetria sobbed and buried her head in her hands. 

"I don't even know why I'm fucking telling you this!"

Draco Malfoy just stared as Demetria had a mental breakdown. He wasn't even aware that her father had died. But Draco Malfoy had a reputation to uphold so he held back any pity he might have for this girl.

"Why should I bloody care what happened to you? You're just an attention-seeking whore who's not good enough for even a mudblood."

Draco Malfoy stalked out of the Hospital wing and disappeared around the corner. Demetria sunk down into a heap on the floor and cried herself to sleep.

+

Draco Malfoy paced around in his dormitory for hours pondering his words to his childhood friend. He felt awful about the things he said, but couldn't bring himself to go and apologise. 

_ I was such a prick to her. I need to go and tell her I'm sorry. _

But he just kept pacing. Back and forth.

+

"Oh Ron. I just can't seem to get Demetria out of my head. I feel terrible about cheating on her. She tried to kill herself for Dumbledore's sake."

Ron didn't respond immediately. He just sat on the couch holding his girlfriend and trying to forget about the whole ordeal.

"Do you think she'll forgive us? I mean..."

Hermione sighed and gripped Ronald tighter.

"I honestly have no idea. She's nice, but she can hold a grudge for a long time."

Ron snorted at that and Hermione playfully hit him in the arm. They sat there for a couple of minutes before drifting off into a peaceful sleep. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that I haven't updated in so long and that it's so short. Thank you so much for the kudos and bookmarks, you have no idea how happy that makes me feel. Thanks again and have a spectacular day.


	4. Chapter Four

“Ms. Ravenwood? You shouldn’t be out of bed at this hour!” Madam Pomfrey scolded as Demetria untangled herself.

Demetria rose from the floor and sank to the bed, numb to anything anyone said. Madam Pomfrey fussed about her and made sure she was feeling better. 

“Demetria? Are you quite alright?” She asked, seeing the nothingness in Demetria’s eyes. 

Demetria nodded out of instinct before tears started to form. Using all her energy, she kept them from falling and stared at the ground. Madam Pomfrey smiled sadly at the girl and guided her out of the hospital wing. 

“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.” 

Demetria shuffled through the hallways and found her feet took her to the Gryffindor common room entrance. She watched the fat lady for a couple minutes, then turned to walk away. Right before she left, she heard the door open and a familiar voice.

“-Ron! You’re such an idiot!” Hermione laughed before stopping abruptly at seeing her ex-girlfriend. 

Demetria paused but quickly continued walking. Hermione caught up with Demetria and put her hand on her shoulder.

“Demetria? Are you okay?” Hermione said, concern laced in her voice.

Demetria didn’t say anything for a few moments, but eventually whispered, “No. I’m not.”

Hermione embraced Demetria and softly said, “You are an amazing person. Life without you will be terrible. We all love you.”

Demetria stood in Hermione’s arms stiffly before slowly hugging her back. Hermione stepped back and surveyed the Slytherin. Hermione smiled sadly and let Demetria start to walk away. Demetria kept walking without looking back and pondered her relationship with Hermione. 

_ Yes, I loved her. But I can’t force her to be with someone she doesn’t like. But oddly, I don’t feel that hurt. We weren’t meant to be. _

Lost in thought, she stumbled and hit her head on the wall. She groaned and slid to the floor, cradling her face. The burning sensation quickly faded, and she started to stand.

“Are you alright?” A smooth voice asked. 

Demetria looked up to see Draco Malfoy staring down at her with his hand outstretched. Demetria’s eyes narrowed and she ignored his hand and stood up. She turned away from Malfoy before whipping around and punching him hard in the face. He stumbled and she glared down at him with pure hatred in her eyes. Blood was streaming down from his nose and he had a surprised look plastered on his face.

“Fuck you, Draco Lucius Malfoy. Fuck. You.”

Demetria turned on the ball of her foot and stalked away. 

+

Draco Malfoy sat in the Slytherin boys dormitory nursing his broken nose. He pointed his wand at his face and whispered, “Episkey.”

Instantly, his nose was fixed and he sighed. Draco Malfoy was baffled. Why was she so hostile toward him? He was trying to be nice to her. Draco sat in his bed, reading until it was time for dinner. He slowly got out of bed and made his way to the Dining Hall. He caught sight of Demetria and started to walk toward her without thought. Demetria obviously saw him but ignored him to sit at the end of the Slytherin table, closest to the door. She stared down at the table, softly stroking her arms, wincing ever so slightly in pain. 

Draco, angry and confused, stormed toward her and started to say, “Demetria? What the hell? You’ve never let any of this bother you before, why now?”

Demetria glared at him with tears forming.

“You think that nothing bothers me? I had to suffer through month and months of ridicule and shit from you and your friends. Everyone has a breaking point, and I just couldn’t deal with it. I am a person just like you and  _ everyone else _ here. I have feelings.  _ Just. Like. You _ .” Demetria yelled, her voice cracking. 

Everyone in the hall stopped and stared at her. Demetria panted from lack of breath and stared back at Draco. Snape stood from over at the faculty table and said in an eerily calm voice, “Miss Ravenwood. Meet me in my office in five minutes.”

Demetria gaze snaps to her house head and walked out of the hall, eyes trailing behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. I'm struggling with mental health problem right now, so if I don't update in a while, it's because I'm focusing on that. I hope you all have great days. QwQ

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for making you guys go through that. I am a shitty writer and I'm writing this on a kindle paperlight or something like that. It is really hard to type on here, soo... I hope you enjoyed. Have a good day.


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